Poker hands are ranked inversely to probability: the rarer the combination, the higher it sits. There are exactly ten categories. Memorise them before your first session, because this is the one piece of rote learning the game genuinely requires.
1. Royal Flush. Ten, Jack, Queen, King, Ace of the same suit. Example: 10♠ J♠ Q♠ K♠ A♠. The highest possible hand. Two royal flushes of different suits tie and split the pot; no suit outranks another.
2. Straight Flush. Five consecutive cards of one suit. Example: 9♥ 8♥ 7♥ 6♥ 5♥. Between two straight flushes, the higher top card wins.
3. Four of a Kind (Quads). Four cards of the same rank plus one side card. Example: J♣ J♦ J♥ J♠ 9♦. Equal quads are separated by the highest kicker.
4. Full House. Three of one rank plus two of another. Example: K♠ K♣ K♦ 4♥ 4♠, three kings and two fours. Compare the trips first, then the pair.
5. Flush. Any five cards of one suit, not in sequence. Example: A♦ J♦ 8♦ 4♦ 3♦. Compare the highest card, then the second-highest, and onwards.
6. Straight. Five consecutive cards of mixed suits. Example: 5♠ 6♦ 7♥ 8♠ 9♣. An ace plays high (10-J-Q-K-A) or low (A-2-3-4-5, the "wheel"), never both inside one straight.
7. Three of a Kind (Set or Trips). Three of one rank plus two unpaired cards. Example: 8♠ 8♦ 8♥ K♣ 2♦.
8. Two Pair. Two cards of one rank, two of another, plus a kicker. Example: Q♠ Q♦ 10♥ 10♠ 7♣. Compare the top pair, then the second pair, then the kicker.
9. One Pair. Two cards of one rank plus three unpaired cards. Example: A♠ A♦ 9♥ 5♣ 2♦.
10. High Card. No pair, no straight, no flush. Example: A♠ K♦ 7♥ 5♣ 2♦. Highest card wins, then the next, and so on.